Introducing the Selfish Self-Care Box

Educators work hard to serve others, but we are terrible at taking care of ourselves. What’s worse is we don’t have the time to gather resources, and treat ourselves. It’s time to stop the excuses, take a deep breath, and open up a box of everything we need to relax and re-center. For a limited time only, you can order a Selfish Self-Care Box that’s made with you in mind.

EACH SELFISH SELF CARE BOX INCLUDES:

a super fancy coloring book + colored pencils

modelling clay

nutritious snacks

the unofficial guide to self-care

a few surprises

Total Cost: $20 + Shipping

BUY IT NOW

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

How soon will I get my order? 

All orders are shipped within 3-5 business days. You will receive a USPS tracking number in the shipping confirmation email that you receive, once the order has shipped. Please click the link in the email or go to www.usps.com and enter your tracking number to see where your order currently is in the shipping route. Contact Sinclair Ceasar at hello@thesapronextdoor.com if you don’t receive an email with tracking info within 72 hours of placing your order.

Can I order a Selfish Self-Care Box for someone else? 

Yes! How kind of you!

Is the Selfish Self-Care Box a subscription service? 

Good question. For now, it’s just a one time thing. But you can order as many boxes as you like. They make fantastic gifts!

BUY IT NOW

Need more assistance? Email Sinclair at hello@thesapronextdoor.com

Say Something: Just One Way to Be a Better Ally

You hear the news. It’s not as shocking as it should be. It’s the same trending topic you heard about a month ago. Too soon. Too soon for another Black body to be gunneddowninthestreet. Another life gone. Another family member slain. Another fundraiser to support the children left behind. Another trial. Another uproar.

It’s not just another anything. Every single life is significant. Every story deserves to be lived, yet pages are torn away. Chapters left unfinishe

What do you do? You try to process this and wrap your mind around it all. You want to help. You believe that your liberation is directly connected to that of those you stand beside. For some reason, words don’t come easy.

What do you say when you and your Black colleague are face to face?

What do you say to your Black friend?

How do you broach the topic with the Black employee you supervise?

I don’t want to say the wrong thing. I don’t want to break anything. 

Let me tell you something: It’s already broken.  It’s not helpful to ignore it. Your silence – though well intentioned – is not helping to soothe the pain. Say something. Say something from the bottom of your heart. Be there. Ask, “How can I be someone you can count on right now?”

And then listen.

 

 

All This Before 30

To do all of the of the following things I have to start somewhere. For example, I haven’t gone swing dancing in like 2 years. I’d need to actually take classes and get proficient before I could teach a beginner class. That’s the idea. Set a goal and then do what it takes to meet it.

This is all stuff that excites me. What’s on your list?

  1. Facilitate an online workshop intensive on productivity or self-care. (I wanna be like Hannah Brencher.)
  2. Lose 30 pounds and keep that ish off. (I have a nutritionist and a personal trainer right now.)
  3. Write a book about my life and how I’ve gotten to where I am. Publish it. Sell it. Maybe change a life. Maybe not.
  4. Prepare to enter a doctoral program. (Ummm…that’s scary).
  5. Run two more seasons of SA Search Motivation.
  6. Co-teach a beginner level Lindy Hop Swing dance class.
  7. Co-teach a beginner level improv class. (This is going to happen. I LOVE improv.)
  8. Run 10 different 5Ks (No Color Run 5Ks. Some kid threw yellow powder up my nose one year).
  9. Have 1:1 coffee meetups with at least 75 different college students and document 1/3 of them. (e.g. Keep track of who I met with; jot down their dreams and challenges while in undergrad, take a selfie with them, etc.)
  10. Go on 3 BIG vacations with Tynesha. (We’re going to Canada this year, so that’s one down).
  11. Send the moms in my life flowers on Valentine’s Day. (Because I stress the eff out when trying to get the perfect gift. So moms are the best option.)
  12. Co-plan a 1-day for young professionals needing a jump start in their careers.
  13. Go to 3 dance exchanges that include day long workshops.
  14. Launch a university peer-to-peer note writing project. (Similar to this one.)
  15. Speak at 10 schools (K-12 & college/university).
  16. Take 3 cooking classes –  especially one to make delicious foreign street food.
  17. Do a TEDX talk. An IGNITE talk. And talks at NASPA and ACPA. We goin’ big, ya heard!

*To be updated and modified periodically.

Somebody Needed To Hear This

They told me: Your words do a lot for me. Keep saying them. 

I found it hard to believe. I would say these inspirational things, but I would doubt myself too. Often. Everyday. I’m bright on the outside and feel ugly and unwanted on the inside.

But, I keep saying them because someone needs to hear them. Recently, I started believing my own words.I started believing that I am enough and that I am needed. Someone benefits from my presence (even if I never discover who or how), so it behooves me to show up. To push. I get to keep pushing.

I don’t have to keep pushing. I get to keep pushing.

There’s such freedom in realizing that I get to create a positive and healthy life for myself. I get to smile in a room full of frowns. I get to dream – really, dream. Dreams are important. Don’t let anyone take them from you. Don’t let them trick you out of dreaming.

I get to move at my own pace with this healing thing. Childhood was hard. People can be mean right? They can be so full of themselves that they fail to see how you’re hurting. I have stories and scars. We all have them. But, I’m still writing this thing. I’m still working this thing. And as I do, I’m going to keep saying what someone needs to hear.

I’m going to keep saying that you matter and that you are beautiful. You are. You are worthy of love. You are worthy of happiness.

Truth is: all this scares me. If I’m worthy of so much, then can’t I lose it all?

I can. And even if I did lose it all somehow, I’d still be worth it. That’s how it works. You showing up as you are and acting out of good intentions is what matters. That’s where you start. The rest you’ll figure out.

 

 

Do You Like Getting Happy Stuff In The Mail?

This is so exciting! So far, over 60+ people from around the country (and London too…LONDON!!!!) have signed up to receive a free and inspirational note from me in the mail. You know: the post office, stamps – the real thing! Oh, and to be honest, I don’t even know like 80% of the folks on the list. So that’s super cool because strangers are just friends waiting to happen, right?

You know you want to be on this mailing list. Click here to sign up. I can’t wait to write you.

 

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Photo Credit: Niki Brogen

Why “Being YOU” Can Be So Damn Difficult

I encourage others because I’m encouraging myself at the same time. 

Be you. Don’t let the haters get you down. Keep showing up. I’ve been known to share these messages often. I mean them each time I say them, but I don’t always believe them about myself. Does this make me a fraud? No. It makes me human. While I have had many genuinely positive moments of self-acceptance, I’ve had some challenging moments as well. It comes and goes. One day I’ll be in a room of people, and could care less of what they think of me. Some days, anxiety kicks in and I’m worried that the person I am isn’t good enough, cool enough,  or Black enough (or too Black depending on the situation). I fear critique and conflict. I end up over-qualifying why I began this project or greeted that stranger in passing. Worry is whisper. Only you can hear it and others have no idea of what you’re going through. But, I push forward.

Recently, I’ve been taking time to notice moments when I’m not being myself in order to make others happy. It happens a lot. It’s disconcerting. My next goals are to:

Do a few things that scare me.

Speak up even if it causes conflict.

Schedule in self-care time.

I keep telling myself: You’re 28, you should have this all figured out by now. That’s a huge lie. There is no right way. There is no right time. We just fumble until we figure it out – little by little.

 

 

New Year, New You: Putting Positivity to Work in 2016

Originally published in MACUHO MagazineWritten by Debbie Scheibler and Sinclair Ceasar 

New Year’s Resolutions. It seems that everybody’s got one. However, most of us break them within a few weeks into the New Year. Why is that? Is it that we set unattainable goals? Is adhering to our goals too difficult? Perhaps it’s because they aren’t necessarily fun (I mean, come on, who wants to wake up at 5am or give up bread)? Whatever the reason, many of us quickly lose steam on the resolutions that we set forth for ourselves. As the start of 2016 is upon us, we challenge each of you to set one personal resolution within yourself to up the positivity in your life; make this a gift for yourself that can last the whole year long.

Choose Your Attitude

Much like the trusty old FISH! Philosophy says, YOU make the choice everyday for how you will show up. Don’t blame the weather, the economy, or the wrong side of the bed. You choose how you want to experience the world. We suggest and encourage that you choose to be thankful for the air in your lungs, the brains in your head, and the shoes on your feet. Think of the example you can set by wearing a smile and having a great attitude.

Acknowledge the Work of Others

Nothing makes an employee feel more valued as when they are acknowledged. If you are a supervisor let your team know that you see their efforts, and make note of them when they do an exceptionally good job. We suggest using a variety of methods to show appreciation, and to be mindful of personal preferences (verbal, written, etc.) Having you role model this gratitude could impact your office and, if you’re have a high stress/low morale office, it might help change the dynamic of your department to one of appreciation and support.

Say Thank You

Similar to acknowledging the work of those within your office, saying “thank you” to folks you encounter spreads the positivity outside of the office. Say thanks for those who open a door for you, holds the elevator a few extra seconds, or bless you when you sneeze. The key is to be genuine, make eye contact, and let the gratitude sink in.

Practice Civility

You’re probably wondering what civility has to do with positivity. In our world today (and that has been made even more evident by the global and local events in recent weeks) we come across disagreements, misunderstandings and anger on almost a daily basis. Civility challenges each of us to honor and respect the difference of others while still remaining true to ourselves. When you’re faced with something you don’t agree with or don’t understand, we encourage you to approach the conversation with an open-mind and the willingness to listen before reacting. You don’t have to agree, but you should try to seek understanding.

Treat Yo Self

None of this will matter if you don’t take care of yourself. Start a new hobby. Take a class. Join a running club. Learn sign language. Start that blog you’ve been thinking about. Let 2016 be the year where you take some time for yourself each day. It doesn’t have to be long, even in 30 minutes you can dramatically improve your stress levels, your health and may even open new professional (or side hustle) doors for you.

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Debbie Scheibler is the Assistant Director of Housing and Residence Life at Rutgers University- Camden. She oversees the Residential Life curriculum, on-campus student conduct, and is a Deputy Title IX Coordinator. Debbie is a former faculty member for the Regional Entry-Level Institute (RELI) and a James C. Grimm National Housing Training Institute (NHTI) graduate. Debbie currently serves on the Executive Board of the Mid-Atlantic Association of College and University Housing Officers (MACUHO) in the role of Director of Annual Programs.Connect with her on Twitter @DebbieScheibler

#IdeaLab: Showing Appreciation to the Field

I have a burning idea. It has been on my mind ever since we celebrated RA Appreciation last year. Wouldn’t it be fabulous if we had a national Student Affairs Professionals Appreciation Week?

I do.

So, I’m going to go for it at some point if no one else does. #ThankaPro isn’t being used for anything significant, and we could get folks on board via Facebook and Twitter. The real, authentic, and personal appreciations would happen offline and year round.

Social media is powerful and could serve as the spark. Check out the marketing I designed using Canva:

1

You could use this to accompany a special thank you message they post or email to someone:

2

Here’s a draft of the introduction to it all:

Our days are unpredictable and sometimes rewarding. One thing is for sure: we work hard. It’s not like we’re doing this for fame or for the pay – or even for a pat on the back. We do this because we care. Why not take a week out of the year to appreciate the hard work of co-workers, colleagues, mentors, and friends.  

So what now?

I am wondering if after reading this, someone will say: Hey Sinclair, let’s do this thing. For now, I’m going to finish up processing final registrations for the Do Something Awesome kindness project and sending the first round of uplifting emails for the #SASearch Motivation project.

To Be Continued…